Otakon 2013 Post-Mortem

Phew. Otakon.

Like my Zenkaikon post, this is also going to be mostly just me writing down thoughts on the experience.

In a nutshell: This was the best con I've been to so far. It's my fourth con, my third "proper" con, my second con cosplaying.

The curious thing is that I'm having slightly more trouble recalling what happened at this con than at, let's say, Zenkai 2013. Maybe because more caffeine, walking and shenanigans were involved in this one.

I slept like shit Thursday night, but since as a third shifter I know that WITH CAFFEINE, ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE.

Caffeine = Spiral Power for a third shifter. I'd say Getter Rays but we know how powerful those are. They'd probably be more like meth.

First day is still something of a blur in my head, although I met a fellow Homestuck from the area near where I live, which was super cool -- before that I accidentally ended up at the Otakon Opening ceremonies. This was the con of accidentally running into things (metaphorically). The opening ceremonies were interesting, although not the most thrilling thing ever.

Also this was the first con where I stayed in a hotel (one that's like, a block and a half away) which had advantages and disadvantages:

Pros - You're near the con, you can hike it back to the room just to chill if you need to, you can take more stuff to the con without having to lug it all the time, and it's not a problem if you stay at the con super-late.

Cons - You're staying in a room with 9 other people and you're not sleeping in your nice warm bed. I also sleep weird in hotels to begin with.

I've already talked with some people, and I'm gonna do the hotel thing again, but the room is going to have a hard limit of 4 people. It'll cost more, but the nice thing about being a miser is that you can occasionally just blow a ton of money on something, giving the impression to your friends that you're a HI ROLLA. GOT MAD CASH. UNLIKE YOU POOR NERDS I EAT WELL AT A CON.

Incidentally, it's something we all know, but con food is such a ripoff... but two Otakons in a row I resorted to buying Gatorade from the BCC... although I'll take getting swindled out of 4 bucks over feeling miserable for several hours because I'm dehydrated. I'm just gonna take some down with me next year.

Went to the "Mechapolcalypse" panel.... it was thoroughly underwhelming. Amusing, but underwhelming. The presenters were clearly underprepared and unfocused. They were funny, but not much else -- saw people rage-quitting the panel, hilariously enough.  BUT there were two cool dudes I talked mecha with which is kind of rare at cons, since mecha anime's not that popular these days, it seems. (Plus, they knew what the hell ZZ Gundam is)

Friday evening/night was dominated by Evangelion 3.0.  It's a MUCH more enjoyable film on a big screen than on a computer screen. Although it's a LOUD film. Like "bass that rattles your lungs" loud. And I'm also the only person who doesn't hate Shinji. The yaoi fangirls squealed about every 15 seconds when Kaworu was onscreen. And when Asuka took her helmet off, everyone cheered. Once the credits started, the crowd broke out into applause.

I meant to go to the Persona/SMT photoshoot at midnight but I was exhausted (slept terribly the night before), so when I went back to the hotel to get a prop I forgot, I ended up taking off my wig, and then sat down, and didn't move for a while -- which was a sign to me that the day was done.  Played Cards Against Humanity with my roomies instead, which was great fun.

Additionally, I seriously wanted to go to that Otakon 21 or whatever thing... because it had alcohol but I ended up skipping that too WHOOPS.

Saturday one of my suspicions was confirmed: Homestuck photomeets are more fun to watch than to participate in. If watching, you're just standing in the same place watching hyperactive teens be silly which is what 50% of anime is, but if you're participating you have to crawl over about 25 kids in grey bodypaint. Which isn't fun. Much like Zenkaikon, I bailed early. I'm glad people have fun at them, but they're just incompatible with me.

Maybe if they were outdoors.

Although I did see the cutest thing (sorry, it's the only word to describe it): A father/child Bro/Dave duo. SO KAWAII I DIED

But mostly importantly: SHIN. VS. NEO. GETTER. ROBO. I watched the whole thing on Saturday, some other people agreed with me: Texas Mack is probably the best thing about that anime.

Before all of that, I accidentally ended up at the Crispin Freeman Q&A - I meant to go to the bad videogame accessories panel but I misread the schedule and ended up there - I stayed there because, shit, it's Crispin Freeman. He seems like a real cool guy. Plus I got to hear him sing "Baby Got Back" in Alucard's voice.

Saturday night I went to the midnight Homestuck Drawparty (or whatever it was called) and met some peeps there. It was fun! Although someone threw up all over themselves ... that was interesting.

Sunday just involved packing up and hitting the dealer's room one last time. I actually bought something, two artbooks: Volume 1 of a Final Fantasy art collection (Yoshitaka Amano!), and Oxide 2 (Hyung Tae Kim)

The biggest thing I took away from this con was that a 'successful' con isn't in how many things you do, but basically how much fun you have -- even just hanging out with friends in Artist's Alley or getting so-so chinese food with them is perfectly OK. You don't have to be at a viewing or a panel or a photoshoot at every waking moment (A "bang for your buck" mentality)... and that'd probably end up killing you.

Also: Never, ever, ever, ever agree to walk 12 blocks (one-way!) to pick up pizza for your room.

--

And before I forget, my cosplays: Persona 3 Protagonist, Summer Outfit on Friday, Aces Suited Dave on Saturday... just dressed normal for the short stint I was there on Sunday. My cosplays didn't get much attention (at least not much as Zenkaikon) but there were a million Homestucks there so really, nothing special.  A few people recognized the Persona 3 one which warmed the cockles of my cold, dead heart.

I think I'm going to be retiring my Dave cosplay for cons -- I've done it for two cons, and as much as I love looking super-snazzy, I'd like to start doing more non-Homestuck things. Not saying I wouldn't do it for some sort of photoshoot dongle thing if there's ever an opportunity.

A particularly hilarious thing about our group was that we're all of different, totally-unrelated fandoms, so at some points there was just this mishmash of cosplays wandering about in a group.

Taken at roughly 10:30 PM. lol exhaustion

Hetalia/Homestuck Alliance!
(Left: My friend Geni, as Prussia. Right: Me, as Dave Strider) 

There were a TON of Attack on Titan cosplayers, and a lot of Sword Art Online ones, too. I'd say that after Homestuck and Ponies, AoT and SAO were the most popular. Less Homestuck this year, and much less on the Pony front. Also met a duo cosplaying Char Anzable and Haman Karn at the Mechapocalypse panel. Gurren Lagann has made something of a resurgence, which in addition to the fact that mecha anime was aired at Ota, shows there is hope for the future.

A friend and I also are cooking up some hilarious/terrible/bizarre plans for next Otakon involving our cosplays... specifically an Evangelion-related one... this is close to what I'll be doing:

IM NOT EVEN JOKING NO REGRETS I WILL BE KAWAII AS FUCK

Zenkaikon Post-Mortem

Phew. Zenkaikon.

This is just gonna be a more stream-of-consciousness (moreso than usual) post, where I just write out my thoughts and experiences.

Overall it was a good experience, although GOD DAMN there were some organizational silliness on the behalf of the con. Some of the staff could be pushy at times (and not in the 'understanding' way the staff at Ota was where it was a "sorry guys but you gotta make the line stay against the wall thanks for understanding" kind of thing) and handing out 18+ wristbands at a place OTHER than where you register is ... not a good way to go about it. But they also were flexible at times (which I'll get to in a bit)

This was my third con, my second "proper" con (first was Ota last year), and my first con where I cosplayed.

Let's get the cosplays out of the way:

Friday:
Tank top/muscle shirt Dirk. I do not have the arms for it.

Saturday:
Aces Suited Dave because I am a classy bastard.

I got some really nice compliments on this cosplay (BUT I JUST THREW IT TOGETHER. THE WHOLE THING COST 50 BUCKS AND MOST OF THAT WAS THE WIG LOL WAT) ... a Latula cosplayer called me 'senpai' o_o

Nobody laughed at me, so that's also good.

Friday I just went solo, but the amazingly nice thing about a moderate-sized con is that if you know someone, you'll run into them. I hung with friends from the college anime club that I used to go to (and founded), and also my SUPER AWESOME FRIEND ABE who went as Excalibur from Soul Eater (if that means anything to all two of you strangers reading this blog)

The first thing, after loitering with friends, was the How To Eat Cheap and Well At a Convention panel. I was in charge of information about local things, etc.  The great thing about running into my friends earlier was that they gave me a WHOLE LIST of local things, much more than what I already had. We also went to the Central Market in Lancaster which was literally next door to the con. Great muffins.

My friend Abe (who was running the panel) was late, he was driving all the way from Philly and had missed his exit. I didn't want people to, like, wait outside the doors of the thing and possibly get frustrated and leave.  If we got them into the room, and get them to sit down, and I just start at noon and tell them about local things and buy time. Which is what I did, nobody left and I only had to burn about two minutes. I'm super thankful for the flexible staffers who let me do that, even though I wasn't officially (As in on-paper) part of the panel.

Abe ran the panel for the most part, occasionally I interjected, and I shared my local stuff. Some people filtered out (jerks) but the panel seemed to be a success.

I also pimped Noodle King, and gave out menus. Later I was told that some Zenkai peeps went there  so MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.

John de Lancie was entertaining and educational and gave a thoughtful answer to my question (when it wasn't stupid questions, he generally gave thoughtful answers). He thought I was a chick at first (ahahaha). It was interesting that he was less about fan-pleasing minutia and more about the craft of acting -- which is refreshing because I really didn't want to hear every. small. detail. about teleporters or something.

A good chunk of Friday was spent in the dealer's room, as per usual, I bought nothing the entire weekend. I never buy anything at cons because I'm a cynical bastard who mentally judges prices constantly and actually knows what a Sonic the Hedgehog action figure costs at Suncoast Video.

Played, like, one game of that Naruto fighting game with some dude (he was cool). I sucked at it but hey!

The Homestuck photoshoot on Friday was alright... although we got relocated once in the time I was there. I accidentally touched someone's butt I'm sorry x_x

Also watched Serial Experiments Lain. Riffed it with some strangers, but I did enjoy it (both the riffing and the anime proper). The bad dub does kind of add an additional unintentional camp appeal but I do dig the stark art style and the plot and ideas behind the anime. At times I do miss some of the stranger aspects of 90's anime. Modern anime tends to be masturbatory otaku material (in both senses), and the international appeal of some of the more 'technological' and 'psychological' anime of the 90's and early 00's no longer exists. Thank God for Rebuild.

I've actually been meaning to see Lain for a little while now. Back when I was an animu-hater (for reasons that lose me) in the early 00's and late 90's, Lain was usually mentioned in the same breath as Evangelion (although it seems to have become more obscure)... and since I dig Eva... I figure I'd probably like Lain (which turned out to be correct)

The big thing friday was Cosplay Burlesque, which was one of the highlights of Ota for me (I got talked into going to the workshop at Ota, and I wanted to see their proper show) ... beforehand I actually got to talk with a few of the people in that before the event, namely the dude who was Belle last year and Irvine this year. I told him I was at the workshop at Ota and it was the highlight of the con, although I said that maybe my laughter (at the workshop at Ota) was probably not the best reaction... but he explained that burlesque started as a comedy-type thing so it was fine. They struck me as really nice/cool people.

I realllllllllllly don't need to explain why I enjoyed the show... Although I think Uncle Yo is rather unfunny. I don't care whether or not you use "bawdy humor" or are crude or whatever (esp. at a burlesque-type thing) but I do care if you're horribly unfunny. Whenever he was on stage, I just wanted him to get the hell off. If that was the point, then he did spectacularly.

But all-in-all I enjoyed it. I'd go see it again.

Saturday I went with my friend Kat. She had a good time (and thanked me for basically forcing her to go... she had a real rough week and it was good for her to get out of the house and hang out with people)

I don't have much to report about Saturday, other than Zenkai REALLY needs to space out the popular events and split them more evenly between Friday and Saturday. The selection of anime to watch on Saturday was .... very meh. Nothing amazing or awesomely bad.

 I didn't attend the Homestuck drawmeet (which I REALLY wanted to do) but I was both exhausted and I didn't feel like waiting a whole 4-5 hours for it.

I bailed on the Saturday photoshoot (literally saying "I'm too old for this shit", haha) partly because I don't like being cramped and clueless, but mostly because I lost a button on my suit jacket. I am so glad I brought spare buttons + needle and thread. My friend helped put the button back on so I wouldn't go through the con looking stupid.

ALSO Noodle King for dinner. Seriously. That place is boss.

If the drawmeet was earlier, I would've went too it. I was planning on it, but was exhausted but didn't really have anything to do... and was afraid it'd be chaotic like the photoshoots.

And we also left because all of the people our age seemed to just ... vanish. Another friend of mine told me how the game room's average age seemed to plummet in the evening and he felt weird for it.

So basically me and some friends went and hit a bar instead. We have a lurking suspicion that's what everyone else over the age of 21 was doing.

TL;DR - I had a blast, and I'll go next year if friends are going.

Also, for my next con (Otakon), I really, really want to put together some sort of cosplay group.

UPD8:

Here's the first picture of my Dave cosplay in the wild:

SOURCE

The jRPG lives.

There seems to be this prevailing opinion amongst the English-speaking gaming community that the jRPG is "dead."  I assume this is because of people's disillusionment with Final Fantasy XIII and the myriad spinoffs of it, which I have never played and really don't have any interest in. (Update: I've played the first hour and a half of FFXIII, it's thoroughly joyless. It doesn't have that special something that grabs you.) Post-merger Square hasn't impressed me all that much, aside from Advent Children, which was just basically one giant cutscene.

"The jRPG and all of its conventions are dead.", they cry, "The genre always was horrible, and we only just now realized it. Woe be unto the weaboo who still plays it."

I like to imagine this speech being said with fake tears while the speechifier is holding a copy of Call of Duty and munching on Cheetos.

But here's the little problem with this doomsday diatribe: It's wrong. The jRPG lives.

My short, smartass argument would just be to post this image and leave it at that:

Shulk (Xenoblade), Yu Narukami (Persona 4), The Guy From Pokemon Black/White

All three of these protagonists and their games are fairly recent. I know they're not blazingly recent (while Xenoblade was a 2012 release in America, it's been around a while elsewhere), but all three of these games are beloved and released after FF10 (which seems to be where all of the webcomics deem the jRPG's date of death being because we know webcomics are the final authority on games)

And get this: All three of these games, despite being of the supposedly dead jRPG genre, are each reason enough to buy each of the consoles they are on. Between all three games, I've sunk about 450 hours of my life into them (and about 100 dollars). And I don't regret it.

XENOBLADE

Xenoblade is something of the odd animal in this trio, but while it certainly emulates a lot of conventions of the western RPG; it's not one. It loves numbers. It loves having abstract systems. It's plot, despite being set in a very unique setting and featuring some of the most likable characters to ever appear in a videogame, is the classic PSX era plot of twists upon twists and the occasional plothole. Don't be fooled by the MMO-ish battle engine and uses of terms like 'Aggro'.  While it's certainly a strange beast, it's still a Japanese one.

PERSONA 4

Persona 4 is much more "jRPG-y" than Xenoblade. Turn-based battles. SP. Seemingly arbitrary elemental weaknesses. People with weird hair (although not as weird as a lot of games).

But it's good. People love it. When you play it, it activates those brain cells that feel good. People are buying the PSP Vita (a thing that nobody really wants) just so they can play the remake.

POKEMON BLACK/WHITE

Pokemon would be considered the devil if it weren't already so popular. Incredibly linear. Shallow plot. Linear world. Grindy. Random Battles. Long stretches without healing, and money (early on) is hard to come by. Incredibly complex stat and growth calculations. It takes some sort of supergenius to figure it all out. Or else have a really good guide.

Pokemon Black/White, despite being one of the less punishing games in the series, is still brutal and unforgiving when compared to many other games. This game commits the sins that people wouldn't want from any other franchise.

BUT WHY?

The charm of the jRPG is peculiar and hard to explain, but for the western gamer that likes them, part of it is their inherent strangeness compared to the typical western games and their genres. It may be bias talking here, but the jRPG always tends to possess elements, either gameplay, story or setting-wise that you'd be hard pressed to find in a western game.

Let's be honest: Western RPGs are typically high fantasy (a million games) and occasionally science-fiction (Mass Effect).  Xenoblade is a science-fantasy with a setting that would fit right in a Dr. Who episode. Persona 4 is an urban fantasy where you hop into TVs, foil murders, and fight fragments of the collective unconscious; all inbetween going to school, doing part-time work, hanging with your bros, and wooing that cute tomboy who sits next to you. Pokemon is a fantastic cartoon world with what basically amounts to 400+ playable characters, each one unique, and near-endless choices when it comes to party and skill combinations.

While the western game tends to have the corner on the concept of the "customizable" main character, this can sometimes handicap them.  It's a lot harder to write a story around an amorphous blob of a character. Xenoblade wouldn't be as charming and moving without a main character who has an established personality. While Persona 4 and Pokemon both have silent protagonists, they are still written as being heroic individuals, and Yu Narukami has a concrete backstory (if a sparse one).

WHY IS TURN-BASED COMBAT OKAY, OR PERHAPS EVEN GOOD?

This applies pretty much just to two of the three example games I'm giving, but here goes:

The turn-based combat system works, when it's done right.  It can be engaging and strategic provided the developer knows how to do it.

While I liked some elements of Final Fantasy X's battle engine, sometimes it just felt like slogging through a battle. Elemental weaknesses and resistances really didn't matter in the endgame when you could just spam high-level spells and attacks and just hope that the superboss doesn't do its ubermove next turn. I literally prayed at times. No joke. (although I'm not sure even God can control the capricious nature of the RNG)

Persona 4 (and the Shin Megami Tensei games before it), however, has a brilliant solution. The game actually rewards the player for finding elemental weaknesses beyond just giving extra damage.  When you hit an enemy with the element it's weak to, the enemy will fall over, and the attacker will gain an extra turn. If all the enemies are toppled, the player can initiate an All-Out Attack which is functionally a free attack against all enemies based on the offensive power of the party. The game later adds additional elements such as characters doing special attacks after the main character knocks down an enemy, and so forth. This system is incredibly gratifying, and vital throughout the entire game to exploit. It's not just something you rely on for the first few dungeons.  Despite being turn-based, Persona's battle system feels dynamic and engaging.

And I neglected to mention that enemies can do the same exact thing against you.

Another great thing about Persona is the Guard command actually doing something.  In addition to reducing damage, it protects the character from status ailments and keeps them from being knocked over when hit by their elemental weakness. Persona 4 is one of the few games where defending during the final boss battle is necessary irregardless of level.

Additionally, stat buffs and debuffs are important. Enemies constantly buff and debuff, and you have to do exactly the same thing.

Pokemon is much the same, except it's much more of a gamble when it comes to your choices.  Elemental weaknesses and strengths are vitally important in this game, and status effects are a viable tactic, even against powerful Pokemon. Buffs and debuffs are critical as well.  Pokemon has room for all sorts of strategies, and has developed an advanced, competitive metagame from this. Really, all I can say can be summed up with this: Pokemon is fun.

To boil it down, the key to having a good, engaging, and fun turn-based (or any other battle system!) is to keep it dynamic and engaging. Punish players for just brute-forcing, but reward them for thinking and experimenting. Have stats and status effects constantly change, make elemental weaknesses actually do something, and even if you have something like Ultima, make sure to balance your game as to keep it from being the end-all be-all. And most importantly, make it fun.

---

So, my last thought is this: Just because Square's stumbling does not be an entire genre is dead, the jRPG genre is more than Square. Just because there's been a swath of shitty games and a karfrillion spinoffs of FFXIII in the last few years doesn't mean there hasn't been good ones.

And most importantly: A game isn't terrible if it's fun. A genre isn't dead if it still has fun games in it. People still like a good jRPG, and good jRPGs are still being made.

Tiers Exist ...sort of. (a rant about Smash Bros)

No Items. Fox Only. Final Destination.

There's a lot of talk amongst the (way, way too serious) Smash Bros "community" about tiers.  So-and-so is on this particular level on this tier list made by some guys on an internet forum. (right now Meta Knight is #1 on the Brawl list, apparently)

And you know what, they're probably right.

Sort of.

GAMES WITHIN GAMES

The version of Smash Bros that the tournament players play is not the same game that you typically play when you play Smash Bros.

I'm not talking about hacked versions, limited versions, NTSC or PAL versions, demo versions, or any other fundamentally different piece of software.  I'm talking about the rules that they play by. Hell, the rules anyone plays by.

Typically, in tournaments, they ban all items, and most stages. Every time you switch the 'on' or 'off' for an item or stage, or change any setting, you have altered the rules that you are playing by.  And the fundamental base of all games are rules. 

What makes Chess what it is?  The strategies, movements, everything arises because of the rules of Chess.  But if you alter the rules, you create a new version of Chess. And with no rules, Chess just becomes Calvinball. The same is of a videogame.

The variant of Smash Bros Brawl I play at home is different than the psuedo-tournaments I do for my anime club. That version is very different from the version they play in "real" tournaments - which has no items, only two players at a time, 3-stock, and a complicated stage selection system that I don't quite understand.

WHAT'S TIERS GOT TO DO WITH IT?

I acknowledge the existence of Tiers, or at very least that some characters will win more often - within the particular variant of Smash Bros that the tournament scene has created.  Do Tiers exist outside of these rules?  Most likely - but maybe not?

Smash Bros, in its purest form, where all items and all stages and all characters are allowed, is pretty damn close to Calvinball.  A match can dissolve into a whirlwind of chaos and this particular track from Rebuild of Evangelion 2.0 becomes pretty fitting. 

Tourneys create a particular game where it's only two players at a time, only three stock, no items, and such forth.  A game with items is very different than a game with items, four players is very different from two players.  

Here's an example:  Sonic vs. King Dedede

Sonic is fast, but he lacks KO power.  Dedede might not be fast, but he's got power -- part of an issue in Smash Bros is when a character lacks KO power, they are at a distinct disadvantage when it's one-on-one.

But let's try another theoretical match - Sonic in a 4-player match.

Now it's a different game - Since everyone's fighting everyone, players can pit the weaknesses and strengths against each other.  Sonic can wait for the heavier characters to have high damage before dashing in and stealing a KO, for example. (can you tell I like Sonic?) .  Naturally, other characters can exploit various situations, using the 'collision' mechanic to prevent other players from approaching, dodging attacks and allowing them to hit other players, and such forth.

And mix in items, and a whole host of new situations can arise that can work out for all sorts of characters in many ways - battering items can extend the attack range of characters and give "KO power" to those who don't, the bunny hood can help characters with poor recoveries and speed, and throwing/shooting items give projectile attacks to those who otherwise wouldn't.  While a random element is introduced, that's just the nature of (this version of) the game. An argument could be made that reacting to ever-changing situations and playing your opponents off of each other takes even more skill.

I do concede that some items and some stages are pretty 'cheap' or obnoxious. (Hammers, Mario Bros. stage, etc)

TL;DR - I have a theory that the game is more balanced if (certain) items are included.

For those who care, a link to a revised version of the particular ruleset my anime club uses/used.

Some context for the above ruleset:

I needed a set of rules for a club that meets for only 4 hours, most of the players are 'casual' players (and I'm a 'casual' player myself), and there's roughly only 90 minutes to 2 hours of time just for videogames. We had a tourney a while back using 'traditional' tournament rules and it lasted waaaaaaay too long.  I came up with a ruleset that would encourage fast-paced play, pump people through, and have four people playing at a time, and not allow for prolonged matches.

We've only done one tourney using these rules, but it was well-received and the tournament easily fit within the 90 minutes of videogame time, with some extra 'freeplay' time left over!

Focus On the Fail

When I feel like facepalming and loling at the same time, I read Focus on the Family's videogame reviews (under the name of  "Plugged In", but it's Focus On the Failmly, who epitomize "strict parenting", all the same) ... they never fail to entertain me in how backwards and idiotic they come off as in their quest to make the world "family friendly"

But TRUE hilarity is when the reviewer starts describing any 'sexual' content (read: cleavage) -- here's an example:
"Besides the ridiculously buffed guys with their shirts off, at least one woman flaunts her cleavage. A central character wears a dress that's slit up to her hip, revealing her massively muscular thighs. Cammy dresses in a high-cut leotard that leaves her backside completely exposed."

Somebody has a major boner for Chun-Li. I mean, wow... dude...  I wonder if this guy was the kid who fapped to Sears catalogs.

Additionally, their complete and total vitriol towards anything that's mythological or magical -- it's even funnier when you consider that C.S. Lewis, one of the most celebrated Christian authors, hell, just a damn good author, period - heavily drew upon mythology and magic in his works.

I wonder what Lewis would think of these folks.

For the lulz: A Guide to Christianese

I was raised Evangelical (currently some form of heretic and/or apostate) - some good things came from this (sense of honor, be loyal to your friends, don't let others decide what you believe, keep your word), and some bad things (a deep, deep, deep sense of shame about half of what I do, irrational fear of God) - one hilarious thing is the lulzy slang they used.  So here's a quick guide:

Nonchristian - There's some derision and pity behind this. while it does mean "a person who is not a Christian", it also includes: Catholics, Orthodox, Mormons, etc. etc.
The World - Anywhere that's outside of a: Church, Church Function, Bible Study or a Christian's home.
Secular - Sinful
Sinful - "I don't like it"
Sin - While it technically means "imperfection", and this is how it is used in the Bible, it usually just means "sexual impurity" when an Evangelical says it. It also means "Icky"
Sexual Impurity - Sex outside of marriage, homosexuality, sex when on The Pill, blowjobs, anal, bondage, piercings in funny places, doggy style, sex in a chair, masturbation, and suchforth. (tl;dr - Anything fun)
Thought Life - Particularly annoying phrase with a nebulous meaning, it functionally refers to this abstract world of your thoughts; and how you can't think about certain things.
Fellowship - Potluck dinner
Outreach - Potluck dinner with preaching.
Pornographic - Anything mildly titillating.
Violent - Anything mildly aggressive
"I was in the Spirit" - I was in an irrational, delirious state.
"I'm on fire for the Lord" - "I'm going to go to every church function possible, mention Jesus as much as possible,  and stop associating with you because you're not as good as me."
Retreat - Basically a day or more of feeling horrible about yourself.
Youth Retreat - A Retreat for kiddies where they're yelled at about how God hates them because they touch themselves. (...they'll stop for a few days, but then resume after that)
The Flesh - In the Bible it roughly means the inherent weakness of human beings. Christians use it to indicate things like: Individuality, Own Desires, etc. etc. that must be squelched.
Fasting - Starving yourself to win some Jesus Points
Speaking in Tongues - Starving yourself/working yourself up into such an emotional lather that you start blabbering. This is a sign of...
Baptism Of The Holy Spirit - Some nebulous concept that indicates that someone is better than you.
Purity - Virginity. Also includes not touching yourself.
The End Times - A period of time that we're apparently in where the world is going to fall apart and then Jesus is gonna come back and kill everyone we don't like.
The Rapture - An unbiblical concept created from three passages in different books of the Bible, all of them referring to totally different things.  Basically Jesus is gonna beam us up and then the world's gonna fall to pieces.
Christian ____ - A watered down version of something 'secular' that's no longer 'sinful' because it mentions Jesus somewhere.
The Antichrist - "Whatever political figure we dislike at this moment in time." and/or The Pope.
Babylon - Current enemy of the United States, although some say it's the Catholic Church.
Saved/Accepting Christ/Born Again - Nebulous concept that is constantly argued about. Basically is the 'salvation by faith' doctrine.
Witnessing - Pushing your beliefs onto someone.
Spiritual Gifts - The idea that some people get superpowers  'gifts from the Lord', typically involves healing, prophecy, and the like. The original verse (too lazy to look it up) they use to support it actually is more along the lines of: "God's given you talents so you can use them to help people."
Hell - The bad place that bad people we don't like go.
Backslide - To fall into sin again, typically means you had deviant sex.
"How is your Walk with the Lord?" - "How you doin'?"
"She is a Godly Woman" - "I wanna do her."

In case you haven't gathered by now, Evangelicals are pretty fixated on three things:
* The Apocalypse
* Sex
* Being part of a super special group of super special people

--

I should clarify that I really don't hold any deep hatred for Evangelicals. It's kind of hard to when you realize that a good chunk of them are some of the most helpful, kind people on the planet.... but once either the Apocalypse, Sex or challenging their ideas comes into the picture ... hoo boy.

Miku Hatsune - the world's first artificial pop star?

Years ago there was a movie about a genius marketer(?) who spearheaded the creation of the world's first synthetic actress - as in she was just the creation of a computer, as opposed to an android. There was also something about her creator falling in love with her or some bullshit ... I never saw the movie, just the trailers/commercials.

Back then, I was all "HAH HAH LIKE THAT'D EVER HAPPEN"

Of course, pop stars and bands have been "manufactured" and groomed for the longest time -- even the Beatles were manufactured to a degree.  The image of many pop stars is tightly controlled.

Also: Bob Marley's image was the product of marketing. The real Bob Marley, not the guy on stage, not the guy high-as-a-kite on the album covers... wasn't as... Marley-ey as you'd think.  Jimmy Hendrix wasn't as wild and cuhrazy as his fans thought.

This is nothing new... but I thought the idea of a completely 100%, made-from-just-pixels actor or musical artist would never happen in my lifetime, or at least not until I'm 255 years old, chilling on Mars in my new 120-foot-tall Super Robot body. After all, people need something real, tangible, even if the act is fake.




...wait, she's obviously not real.  And she's in front of a real audience. Her voice is a very sophisticated synth bank.

She's completely synthetic.


I was wrong.

For the uninitiated, Miku Hatsune is basically the 'mascot' for the Vocaloid software, which is basically a synthetic voicebank.  And people ate it up - and now she's having freaking concerts in the form of a hologram. With a live band.  (although it becomes less impressive once you figure out how they're doing the trick - it's literally smoke and mirrors) Note the hilarious-looking guitarist.  And the stripper music/dance at 0:20 to 0:30. I was half-expecting her to start taking off her clothes.

You'll drink your veggie juice if
you know what's good for you.

There's other Vocaloids, and even a generic free knockoff called UTAUloid.  Occasionally people abuse the software to attempt to get them to sing english songs... with rather mixed results:



You can't read Ruko's Poker Face.


Quite honestly, I don't know how to feel about this - I'm all for putting Hannah Montana and Lady Gaga out of a job... but eventually we're going to end up with SkyNet.

I for one welcome our new Vocaloid overlords.

UPDATE:

TechCat (in the comments) mentioned the Gorillaz, I completely forgot about them... as well as the other 'cartoon bands' (Josie and the Pussycats, etc.) ... which I suppose were the next step towards Miku (after the manufacturing of pop stars like Britney Spears and 'idols' in Japan).

However, they did have real people behind the characters serving as the voice, and other than the Gorillaz, none of them were particularly popular.

Also: GODDAMMIT I'M STARTING TO LIKE MIKU DAMMIT DAMMIT