For the lulz: A Guide to Christianese

I was raised Evangelical (currently some form of heretic and/or apostate) - some good things came from this (sense of honor, be loyal to your friends, don't let others decide what you believe, keep your word), and some bad things (a deep, deep, deep sense of shame about half of what I do, irrational fear of God) - one hilarious thing is the lulzy slang they used.  So here's a quick guide:

Nonchristian - There's some derision and pity behind this. while it does mean "a person who is not a Christian", it also includes: Catholics, Orthodox, Mormons, etc. etc.
The World - Anywhere that's outside of a: Church, Church Function, Bible Study or a Christian's home.
Secular - Sinful
Sinful - "I don't like it"
Sin - While it technically means "imperfection", and this is how it is used in the Bible, it usually just means "sexual impurity" when an Evangelical says it. It also means "Icky"
Sexual Impurity - Sex outside of marriage, homosexuality, sex when on The Pill, blowjobs, anal, bondage, piercings in funny places, doggy style, sex in a chair, masturbation, and suchforth. (tl;dr - Anything fun)
Thought Life - Particularly annoying phrase with a nebulous meaning, it functionally refers to this abstract world of your thoughts; and how you can't think about certain things.
Fellowship - Potluck dinner
Outreach - Potluck dinner with preaching.
Pornographic - Anything mildly titillating.
Violent - Anything mildly aggressive
"I was in the Spirit" - I was in an irrational, delirious state.
"I'm on fire for the Lord" - "I'm going to go to every church function possible, mention Jesus as much as possible,  and stop associating with you because you're not as good as me."
Retreat - Basically a day or more of feeling horrible about yourself.
Youth Retreat - A Retreat for kiddies where they're yelled at about how God hates them because they touch themselves. (...they'll stop for a few days, but then resume after that)
The Flesh - In the Bible it roughly means the inherent weakness of human beings. Christians use it to indicate things like: Individuality, Own Desires, etc. etc. that must be squelched.
Fasting - Starving yourself to win some Jesus Points
Speaking in Tongues - Starving yourself/working yourself up into such an emotional lather that you start blabbering. This is a sign of...
Baptism Of The Holy Spirit - Some nebulous concept that indicates that someone is better than you.
Purity - Virginity. Also includes not touching yourself.
The End Times - A period of time that we're apparently in where the world is going to fall apart and then Jesus is gonna come back and kill everyone we don't like.
The Rapture - An unbiblical concept created from three passages in different books of the Bible, all of them referring to totally different things.  Basically Jesus is gonna beam us up and then the world's gonna fall to pieces.
Christian ____ - A watered down version of something 'secular' that's no longer 'sinful' because it mentions Jesus somewhere.
The Antichrist - "Whatever political figure we dislike at this moment in time." and/or The Pope.
Babylon - Current enemy of the United States, although some say it's the Catholic Church.
Saved/Accepting Christ/Born Again - Nebulous concept that is constantly argued about. Basically is the 'salvation by faith' doctrine.
Witnessing - Pushing your beliefs onto someone.
Spiritual Gifts - The idea that some people get superpowers  'gifts from the Lord', typically involves healing, prophecy, and the like. The original verse (too lazy to look it up) they use to support it actually is more along the lines of: "God's given you talents so you can use them to help people."
Hell - The bad place that bad people we don't like go.
Backslide - To fall into sin again, typically means you had deviant sex.
"How is your Walk with the Lord?" - "How you doin'?"
"She is a Godly Woman" - "I wanna do her."

In case you haven't gathered by now, Evangelicals are pretty fixated on three things:
* The Apocalypse
* Sex
* Being part of a super special group of super special people

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I should clarify that I really don't hold any deep hatred for Evangelicals. It's kind of hard to when you realize that a good chunk of them are some of the most helpful, kind people on the planet.... but once either the Apocalypse, Sex or challenging their ideas comes into the picture ... hoo boy.